I don't know what it is, but I can't cry anymore. I miss her so much I can't even cry. She was the most amazing person I have ever known. I would call her when I was in the kind of mood I'm in today and she would turn my day totally around. She helped me through the most difficult time of my life, losing the boy I loved. I know the stuff I'm going through now is just pathetic.. but I still wish she was here to tell me it's okay and see my side of things... or to tell me that everything is going to be alright. Because honestly the way things are going I'm not too sure about that. We're about to sell the house I grew up in.. and I know this is pathetic but I'm really upset about this. Everytime I look around I just want to cry because I know in a few months I won't be able to look at these things again.. they will be gone forever. And if there's anything I fear it's losing things. Everyone's like it's just a house get over it, but I know that if she were still alive she would tell me that it's alright and how horrible she would be feeling if her house were sold. I just want her here with me.. I want to be able to hold her again.. hold her hand as we're walking down the street getting weird looks and making them even more weirded out by kissing. I love her with all my heart and if there was anything I could do to get her back I would do it.. in a second. God do I miss her! How could this get easy? People say things like this get easier with time.. but I just can't see it. Why was she taken from all of us at such a young age.. I guess they're right.. only the good die young.

    I know how pathetic this is going to sound.. but who made up the rule that said when you break up you can no longer be friends. I texted him tonight and asked him why we stopped being friends.. all he told me was not to worry about it. I don't know if it was him or I that changed but every time I see him I hurt a little. I guess that's just how it goes with first loves.

    I feel like I'm loosing all of my friends.. I only have a few really good friends and they don't hang around all that much anymore.. maybe I try to hard.. idk. It just sucks knowing you're losing the people that matter to you most.

    I'm so afraid of myself right now. I can feel myself falling into a horrible mood.. I don't want to do anything to myself that I'll regret. And in writing this I'm starting to feel better. I guess it's just the way life is going that hurts so much.. I'll just have to suck it up and get over it, right?

 

                                               Word of the day: Pathetic