Just thought I'd update before I went to bed.

    Life has gotten better, Thank God! I had an appointment with the campus counsellor on Tuesday and she helped me out with a lot of things. I never thought that everything I'm going through is normal for a freshman in college; I'm homesick and the workload is insane. She wants me to stay on campus every other weekend and to talk to my doctor back at home (all of which I was planning to do anyway).

    I love my friends here, they're what keep me sane. Jackie, I see her every day, she's in my Problem Solving class and we're in Psych Club together, oh and we're also lunch buddies . Then there's Rachel, my roomate. Things have been okay with us but it seems like sometimes she's not interested in being my friend. ^{We're going to see Halifax, Sandlot Heros, and Spill Canvas this Sunday!!!} My other roomate, Samantha, is starting to open up. Lindsey, the amazingly beautiful girl who I wish would see me with the same eyes as I see her is sooo funny. That goes for Amanda too. Sean is great, he's so easy to talk to. And Caroline, she's a lot of help. Rosie, my class walking buddy, we have classes together every day but Friday and she makes me laugh, oh does she make me laugh. And I can't forget about my bestest friend in the whole wide world Kaci, she's gotten me through everything that I've gone through here and I don't know if I would have ever survived without her.

    Classes, oh gosh. I have and Intelligence test next Friday, haven't started to study for that and I still have to read 3 chapters. Problem Solving I just had a test in today, which I think I did okay on, I might have missed 1 or 2 questions. Composition, I have a bunch of reading to do, I have to revise an old paper (which on a 10 point rating scale I got a 9+ ^{<yes I'm awesome}) and do the final copy of the one I'm working on now, all while thinking of a subject to write my next paper on. So if anyone is good at editing papers message me because I could sure use the help. And lastly, Psych.. I have a test next Tuesday, so far all I've done were flash cards of key terms and people.. yeahh I'm worried.

    How could I be in love? It can' t be love, love isn't supposed to hurt this much. I would rather die than hurt this much. And he can't know, he can never know. I missed him so much.. I should just be happy to have him back in my life. I never stopped loving him though, that's the problem. It'll go away.. right?

"It's only just a crush,

It'll go away."

"Some one save me if you will.

And take away all these pills."

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    Well I haven't been on here for a longgg time, so I figured it's time to update.

    I graduated from Pleasant Valley top half of my class, nothing amazing. And after a wonderful summer (ask me for the details and I'll be happy to share them) I started here at Wilkes University. I'm majoring in psychology. Classes are great.. On Monday and Wednesday I have Intelligence Applied from 10 to 10:50, Problem Solving Using Mathematics from 12 to 12:50, and Composition from 6:30 to 8:10. I have Intelligence Applied and Problem Solving Using Mathematics on Friday at the same time too. Then on Tuesday and Thursday I have General Psychology from 1 to 2:15. Like I said not bad.

    I've had such a good time with friends lately too. Rachel my roomate.. she's great, Shelly.. crazy but I love her.. Kaci = the most amazing girl I know and my best friend for life, Ashley my lovely sister who I couldn't live without. Brandon *its amazing how we found eachother again* Beane, I love you and I don't know how I would have gotten here without you. Rosie, great times at orientation and so kwel rooming across the hall from  you. Sorry if I forgot anyone!

    So yeah not much to update you on if you want to know anything about what happened to me since I've been on message me and I'd love to tell you!

    oh and my myspace is: www.myspace.com/irealiehateppl checkitout!

    I spent the evening last night with family. I guess it was nice.. other than being in pain and sick. I got to see a few of my cousins.. which was nice. My baby cousins are getting so big.. it's amazing.

    Spent Saturday with the lovely Kaci. I know how wrong this is, but I'm attracted to this girl. She is my best friend and I want to be the girl that isn't like hey let's make out.. but I really do like her. I don't want to tell her this because that would ruin everything we have.. like I said I'm the girl that doesn't ask to make out with her. I'm the girl that she can go to with anything and not feel pressure. I'd have to say I like being that girl also. I'm glad I have a friendship where I don't have to worry about anything and no matter how wrong I am she is always there for me. That is the type of relationship Katie and I had.. I'm glad I can have the same kind of relationship with a friend.

    I'm really starting to miss having a boyfriend. I know I have friends that care about me and love me.. but not on that level. I don't know, am I being selfish? I'm hoping by next year I'll at least be attractive.. hopefully this diet works.

    So this is my entry from last night that never saved!

    I had something pretty funny happen today. I was in gym and an acquaintance asked me if I was dating my friend John. I thought it was hilarious because I could never see myself dating him. I've known him for a long time.. I hope it doesn't seem like we're dating to other people. That's just awkward.

    Being in Stroudsburg saddens me. It reminds me so much of Will and Katie. Those are the only people I ever hung out with at the mall and that will never happen again. I went there with Pam, Shelly, and Marissa today. It felt so weird to be there without them.

Okay, so I was tagged by DyingGasp  ...

Six things about myself...

1) As much as I make fun of myself about my weight.. I really hate it. I secretly wish I had the balls to have an eating disorder (please no one yell at me because I don't). 

2) I usually don't like wearing make-up (sometimes I do) and I hate when people put me down for that. 

3) I have the biggest crush on a good friend of mine. 

4) I have a Pug and I love him to death. 

5) I feel like a complete idiot when I'm with my friends because I don't know as much as them. 

6) I feel totally left out when with certain friends and I don't have the balls to tell them. 


I tag: palewhispers

        LonlyLife

        lasirena

    I think my problem is resolved with a certain person. Let me say, I'm glad that's over with.

    Now to planning my graduation/birthday party! I really need to get going on this.. it's only a few months away.

    My friend Chrissi got a chiwuawua (sp?)!!! It's adorable!!! That's my lovely sister holding Frapachino!

    I finally think I'm going to be going back to work for K-mart. I had to redo a questionare on Thursday. I went in today and Joann said that she looked over it and that she will be calling me soon. FINALLY!!!!

W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?

1. You hung out with?
Michelle

2. Saw you cry?
My daddy

    So my relationship with a certain friend is still failing. I wish this person would come out and just tell me what it is that makes them ignore me when other's are around. I'm sure you know who you are and I'm not writing this to sound mean. I love you with all my heart but I don't know what's going on.

    The timing belt in my car is going, but I'm still driving it. Luckily my dad is fixing it this weekend, just in time for his interviews on Monday. Speaking of interviews, I went to K-mart today to fill out a questionare, meaning that hopefully I'll be back to work. I want money for when I turn 18 because my friend Kaci and I have it all planned out what we're going to do the day I turn 18.. it's going to be great!

    Today is my ex-boyfriend, Will's, birthday. I haven't wished him happy birthday or anything. I really wish I knew why our relationship had to come down to this. My sister is going over there tonight but I can't do it. He just reminds me of how much I don't like myself and it sickens me.

    I know how pathetic this is going to sound.. but who made up the rule that said when you break up you can no longer be friends. I texted him tonight and asked him why we stopped being friends.. all he told me was not to worry about it. I don't know if it was him or I that changed but every time I see him I hurt a little. I guess that's just how it goes with first loves.

    I feel like I'm loosing all of my friends.. I only have a few really good friends and they don't hang around all that much anymore.. maybe I try to hard.. idk. It just sucks knowing you're losing the people that matter to you most.

    I'm so afraid of myself right now. I can feel myself falling into a horrible mood.. I don't want to do anything to myself that I'll regret. And in writing this I'm starting to feel better. I guess it's just the way life is going that hurts so much.. I'll just have to suck it up and get over it, right?

                                               Word of the day: Pathetic

    I finally had a wonderful day. I can't remember the last time I had a day this good. There was nothing special about today. My gym teacher wasn't in school today so I did absolutely nothing in gym. I actually stayed away in Peer Listening. In Color and Design we worked on our collages and in Freehand we worked on our drawings. Nothing out of the ordinary... just an amazing day.

    I might be spending Saturday with thee lovely Kaci. I miss that girl and I can't wait to see her! We might be going to the sweethearts dance... pretty kwel.

    I spent the weekend with April... I feel like a shitty friend though because I slept for most of the time... yeahh what a good friend.

    So yeah... all around wonderful day... what more can I say.

    Not much has been going on lately. Just school (which half the time I don't even want to go to). I honestly don't like my senior year, and this is supposed to be the best year yet.

    I had an interview today at New York and Company. I think I did good... hopefully I'll find out soon.

    I'm really upset about SADD right now. They never include me in on anything. There was a meeting today at 10. One of the advisors told me 10:30 so that's when I showed up... I was late and looked like an idiot. Then both the advisors had the other three officers do all the work, like I wasn't there. I was so upset I called my dad crying. I don't know if I was just emotional or that angry. They also left me out on something else they did in the morning. I just wish people would do their jobs and do them correctly. Aren't teachers taught not to leave students out? And they wonder why there's such a high suicide rate in my high school. People don't listen to other people, and that really bothers me. Just people in general bother me, but I wake up every morning thinking that people will change and they will be nice for a change, only to be proven wrong. I wish I didn't view people this way, I really do. Please someone prove me right!

RIP Katie

4/18/88 - 2/5/06

I love you beautiful... I know you're watching over me from heaven.... I love you  and I miss you and I will never forget you. You will always be in my heart. You are my guardian angel... I love you <33

    Studying for finals wasn't so bad. We had a snow day yesterday so we all got a chance to study again. For once I think I'm actually ready for them. I take my first one in about 20 minutes. Honestly I just want my classes to change... I'm so sick of having the same classes over and over again.

    I'm calling K-mart today after school to see if I can get my job back. I hope they say yes. I can't stand my dad harping on me day in and day out to get a job. If I have to sacraface my mental health then I guess it's worth it (at least in his eyes). That was my  only reason for not getting a job, I honestly don't think I can handle it mentally... but I guess that doesn't matter.

    I had such a wonderful time yesterday. My mom seems so much calmer now. She didn't really flip out on us at all. This is the kind of mom I like. It kind of made me sad though, because she isn't around as often. Anyway, we went out for an early dinner and told them it was Pam's birthday (just to let you know, it wasn't)! We got this huge piece of cake for free. My sister brought her camera so we were recording little movies of us all dancing... it was hilarious. After dinner we went to AC Moore, where my mom bought us whatever we wanted. My sister and I got scrapbooking kits and Pammy got some toys .

    I'm a little upset with myself today. My final for Anatomy is tomorrow and I haven't studied yet. Honestly, I don't think I'm going to study. This is just asking for failure. Seriously, why do I do this to myself?